Signs of People Pleasing

There’s a difference between being a nice person and being a people pleaser. People pleasers constantly put everyone else’s needs above their own. They often have a strong need for external validation that’s driven by the fear of not being accepted.

How did the pattern start?

There can be many different reasons behind the origins of people pleasing behaviour. In some cases, people start to people please early on in life, when a child is not receiving love from a parent. The child then uses people pleasing as a method of getting love and acceptance from others. People pleasing can also be a learned behaviour from a parent or through relgion or family culture.

Why People Please?

• You can’t advocate for yourself

• Avoid conflict at all costs

• Gain approval from others

• Belief that constant self sacrifice makes you a good person

Signs of People Pleasing

• Difficulty saying “No”

• Constantly saying “Sorry” even though there’s no need to apologize

• Indecisiveness, fear of letting others down

• Agreeing with others even though you have a different opinion

• Excusing other’s bad behaviour

• Inability to set boundaries

• Overwhelming guilt and anxiety after saying “No”

What are the costs?

• Stress and burnout

• Don’t have free time

• Lack of identity

• Build up resentment

• Unhealthy relationships

Healthy relationships involve give and take. People pleasers often give and have a hard time receiving from others. They carry feelings of guilt and don’t know how to have their own needs met.

If you are struggling with people pleasing, it means you might need to practice setting boundaries. Setting boundaries will help you create healthier relationships while reducing overall stress and anxiety.